Trapped

Do you ever feel stuck? Like, you can feel the time passing, and you're getting through the days, but you don't seem to be getting where you want to be?

I cannot shake this feeling. It's more prevalent some days than others, like on days when I have nothing to do. It's the reason I'm constantly doing something even if it's just baking cookies while I watch TV. Because if I sit still I have time to dwell on the fact that everything I'm working towards is still so far away.

You know when you're little, and school lets out for the summer, the vacation seems to fly by, and before you know it you're right back in school? Well, this summer's the complete opposite for me. I can't wait to get back to class (because, hello, college graduation in April) and the summer just won't end. On one hand, wow, it's mid-July. On the other hand, how is it not August yet?

I just want to get back to class, so I can graduate and get on with things. I'm moving next year to finally actually be with Boyfriend but there are days when that feels like it will never get here. I'm stuck in this pattern of days that are just blah waiting for my life to start.

Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly happy with the way things are. I have an amazing boyfriend who, despite the distance and everything, loves me and only wants me to be happy, I will be done school in a year and be able to get a real world job (that isn't retail, I can't wait), I live in a nice house where my parents don't ask me for rent, and I have a job, which in this market is always a bonus since they're not easy to come by, especially for students. I just know I'll be happier a year and a half from now when I no longer feel like a part of me is actually missing. And I really want to be whole again.