Missing

If anybody finds my sanity, let me know.

Or alternatively, if there's a viable substitute for sanity, let me know about that, too.

Thanks.

Trapped

Do you ever feel stuck? Like, you can feel the time passing, and you're getting through the days, but you don't seem to be getting where you want to be?

I cannot shake this feeling. It's more prevalent some days than others, like on days when I have nothing to do. It's the reason I'm constantly doing something even if it's just baking cookies while I watch TV. Because if I sit still I have time to dwell on the fact that everything I'm working towards is still so far away.

You know when you're little, and school lets out for the summer, the vacation seems to fly by, and before you know it you're right back in school? Well, this summer's the complete opposite for me. I can't wait to get back to class (because, hello, college graduation in April) and the summer just won't end. On one hand, wow, it's mid-July. On the other hand, how is it not August yet?

I just want to get back to class, so I can graduate and get on with things. I'm moving next year to finally actually be with Boyfriend but there are days when that feels like it will never get here. I'm stuck in this pattern of days that are just blah waiting for my life to start.

Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly happy with the way things are. I have an amazing boyfriend who, despite the distance and everything, loves me and only wants me to be happy, I will be done school in a year and be able to get a real world job (that isn't retail, I can't wait), I live in a nice house where my parents don't ask me for rent, and I have a job, which in this market is always a bonus since they're not easy to come by, especially for students. I just know I'll be happier a year and a half from now when I no longer feel like a part of me is actually missing. And I really want to be whole again.

Sparky

I've never really been one for nicknames. My given name doesn't really lend itself to being shortened or altered in any way and any random nickname anyone's ever given me has generally just annoyed the hell out of me. An ex boyfriend called me sugar. All the time. Drove me crazy. His reasoning was that my name starts with an S, and I'm sweet like sugar. Yeah. You can see why that relationship lasted.

Then I met my current guy, who I've been with for 13 months now. Long distance. Yes, I know, it never works blah blah blah heard it all before. Anyway, he was living here when we got together and I may tell that whole story on a different day if it turns out anybody gets curious about it. We went for lunch one day, and I said something (that I have no hope of remembering ever because I talk constantly and trying to remember anything I say at any given time is a lost cause (hello run-on sentence. My English teachers warned me about you) ) that caused him to laugh and say "you're cute, Sparky." The funny part is, I never really questioned it. Neither one of us has any idea where Sparky came from, but it just kind of stuck and I've been Sparky to him ever since.

That being said, I still have an aversion to nicknames and nobody else is allowed to call me anything other than my given name. Many have tried. All have failed.

In other news, does anyone know of some way to permanently de-frizz hair? Mine is huge and wavy and so damn frizzy and it's getting out of control. Pantene Pro-V and defrizzer and my flat iron can only do so much, especially since most days I am lazy and just pull it back in a ponytail/foldover thing to avoid having to try to actually tame it.

Also, Lotus and Frangipani Flower Milk Bath from The Body Shop's Spa Wisdom Polynesia collection (wow that is a pretentious sounding mouthful). You must try. It smells like Hawaii and it's just all kind of amazing.

Apropos of Nothing

Housesitting. I don't know why I do it-the sketchy wireless connection (that I almost couldn't access and had to hunt down the security key for), the strange bed, just the lack of normalcy, I guess. I'm kind of a creature of habit (even though most of them are bad) (yes, I am prone to abusing parentheses. Sorry.) and I just don't like interrupting my routine. That being said, I do kind of enjoy not having my family around. They stress me out sometimes. But hey, it's led to my third attempt to start blogging. We'll see if it sticks this time.

WARNING: RANDOMNESS AHEAD! Proceed at your own risk.

Has anybody else noticed the sheer amount of mindless crap TV that's available? Most of it's like a really horrific train wreck- try as you might, you just can't look away. Take, for example, The Real Housewives (Atlanta, New Jersey, New York, Orange County...take your pick). Do these women listen to themselves? Seriously. The botox! The plastic surgery! THAT YOUR HUSBAND ALLOWS YOU TO GET BUT CANNOT AFFORD! It's awful. I love it. Then there's The Bachelorette. Was she really surprised about that one dude, the wrestler, who had not one but two! girlfriends back home? The guy's nickname was Rated R for God's sake. That should've been a big red warning sign right there. But that being said, you just need to know who she's going to pick (I'll admit, I've only seen like 3 episodes because if my family caught me watching it I'd just die of embarrassment and then where would we be but still) and wonder if there's any chance that it'll last past the show airing.

In non-crap TV news, Wednesday's So You Think You Can Dance damn near broke my heart. My favorite dancer, basically in the history of ever, seriously injured himself. *sob* As a former dancer (Highland, mostly, with a little ballet and step thrown in for good measure), and having injured my Achilles' tendon rather seriously, I know his pain. And it sucks. I hope you're well soon, Alex, the dance world needs you!

I've spent the last couple days reading the archives of some of my favorite blogs (who will, eventually, be linked here if and when I ever decide to fix the sidebar) and it got me thinking. I want to write someday, once I've graduated and have a real job so I can pay bills while I attempt to get published. Thing is, in order to be a writer you need to *gasp* surprise! Write something. I've attempted a few times to actually blog. I did, for a while, have a blog hosted over on bravenet that actually lasted for a solid couple of years while I was in high school. I don't remember why I let it die, in fact I think I deleted it altogether, but here I am, trying again. I should warn you, in case you hadn't noticed, I get very rambly. Especially when I'm trying to kind of get things going and give myself some possible future topics. Especially if anyone ever reads this and asks me anything. Yeah. Not holding my breath.

In another bone-jarring topic jump, is anyone else getting seriously annoyed with the turning of hit books into shit movies? First up: Harry Potter. I LOVE the books. So much. I think J.K. Rowling is brilliant, and I love me an author that can take seemingly obscure little things from previous books and make them really important later on. Her character development and creation of another world are just so wonderful. Then Hollywood got involved. The first two were ok, Chris Columbus was pretty honest to the books. I thought the graphics left something to be involved (hello, have you seen Lord of the Rings? Get their computer imaging artists!) but all in all, not bad. Then they changed directors and it all went to hell in a handbasket. They took way too many artistic liberties and changed certain things enough to seriously piss me off. Even just the little things, like the lack of robes in school. Grr. It's almost over, though. And yes, I will end up seeing Deathly Hallows in theater. Because, as much as they annoy me, I'm a Potter fan to my core and, well, I MUST KNOW what it's going to be like.

Also, there's the whole Twilight thing. Granted, the books really aren't all that and a can of Coke, as they're made out to be, but the movies. UGH. God help me. There is not one person in those movies who could act their way out of a paper bag. There's a lot of pretty, absolutely (hello, Carlisle, I know you're too old for me and I'm seriously taken, but...mmm) and some muscle (Taylor Lautner. 'Nuff said.) but that's really it. I haven't seen Eclipse, and I only will if I'm desperate for something to do and am not being made to pay for anything involved in said movie watching.

Okay, enough random blather for one night. I'll be back. Possibly with a real story about who I am or something.